Only One Country in the World, Apart from the Vatican, Bans Divorce. Meet the Women Who Are Demanding Change

It took Mavi Veratta Millora a while to realize that her marriage was not a fairy tale. In the end, it turned out to be quite the opposite: her husband, she says, was unemployed and unfaithful, and the effort to support her household was exhausting her.

“I had to cut it out of our lives because it had become unhealthy and toxic for our children,” Millora says. The Independent She is originally from Manila, Philippines. Her four children, who grew up in a conflicted home, encouraged her to leave the marriage. Her eldest was 16 or 17 at the time, she recalls.

After years of emotional turmoil, she decided to separate from her husband. It’s been almost 12 years. Her children are grown. She has regained her strength and is doing much better in life. But legally, the man is still her husband and can still claim the family property.

“You can’t go on with your life freely, especially when it comes to properties and everything you’ve worked for, for your children,” she said.

Today, Millora fights for the right to divorce in the Philippines, the only country in the world, after the Vatican, where divorce is illegal.

In May of this year, the lower house of the Philippine parliament passed the Absolute Divorce Bill, a law that could finally give struggling marriages the right to file for divorce. The bill has passed the House of Representatives and is awaiting approval by the Senate. It seeks to establish a number of legal grounds for divorce, including abuse, infidelity and abandonment.

As an activist and a woman who stands to gain from the new law, its passage in parliament is a huge victory for Millora, even if she expects a bumpy road. She is not only fighting for a legal right, but also against a predominantly Catholic culture where divorce is still heavily stigmatized and the Church wields considerable influence.

According to the Philippine Statistics Authority’s 2020 census, about 1.6 million Filipinos were recorded as having annulled their marriage, separated or divorced. In addition to divorce obtained abroad, Filipino Muslims are entitled to limited divorces under Islamic law.

But support for divorce is growing, even as the Catholic Church and conservative lawmakers strongly oppose the bill. A March survey by research institute Social Weather Stations found that 50 percent of Filipino adults supported legalizing divorce, while 31 percent opposed it.

Besides Millora, more and more women are having the courage to go public with their separations, something that was unthinkable just a few years ago. According to a 2007 study by legal expert Charmian K Gloria, opponents of divorce consider it “anathema to Filipino culture” and fear that it will legalize promiscuity, break up families and harm children.

AJ Alfafara, 37, became involved in advocating for the legalisation of divorce after becoming aware of the negative impact it had on women. She believes that the lack of the possibility of divorce is fundamentally “unfair”.

She tells The Independent“The inability to legally dissolve a marriage in the Philippines leaves many people trapped in abusive and unfulfilling relationships, which can have detrimental effects on mental health and financial stability.”

She believes that “legalizing divorce would provide individuals with a way to escape dangerous situations and make a fresh start, thereby improving their well-being and fairness in the distribution of assets and responsibilities of the couple.”

Alfafara says people can make mistakes in choosing their partner, but “it is important to legally recognize those who have suffered from unhappy marriages.”

“You can’t just ignore it. The emotional scars are deep and it affects your whole being,” says Clarissa Avendano, an activist who tried unsuccessfully to end her marriage through the existing system in the Philippines. The Independent“It’s not easy to move on.”

When President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. took office in 2022, he expressed openness to legalizing divorce, acknowledging that while some cases might warrant it, the process should not be too simplistic.

Although Filipinos can seek legal separation, which allows spouses to live separately and nullifies shared property rights, it does not formally dissolve the marriage. The country’s Family Code also provides a strict set of conditions under which separation is permitted, including desertion, repeated acts of domestic violence and a prison sentence of more than six years.

They can also seek an annulment – an expensive procedure that requires strong proof that the marriage was invalid to begin with, or if one partner is incapable of consummating the marriage – or a declaration that they were never legally married in the first place, for example if one or both partners were under 18.

The Catholic Church maintains that there is no need for divorce in the country because these provisions are sufficient.

Avendano, 52, says seeking an annulment takes years and is an exhausting process.

Her late husband was physically abusive and had a drinking problem, she says through tears. She tolerated his behavior for years, but one day, her late husband hit her 15-year-old daughter. For her, that was the turning point.

“He’s not just hurting me, he’s hurting my child,” she thought.

Broken by years of abusive relationships, Avendano ended her marriage. After paying 250,000 Philippine pesos (about £3,360) to a lawyer, nothing happened. Three years later, she has given up hope of having the marriage annulled. While the rich may be able to afford the fees, the poorest of the country’s 116 million people are even more vulnerable.

Avendano, who suffered from a difficult marriage for years, is now committed to supporting others in similar situations.

“Technically and practically, people who have legally separated and have had their marriage annulled still have to get that divorce, simply because legally separated people cannot (re)marry, and for the annulment you have not recognized that there was a marriage,” Millora explains of the annulment process.

“We want to acknowledge that we got married and there was a time when we were so in love and we were looking for our happily ever after, but we didn’t know we weren’t going to have a fairy tale.” For some of us, “it’s happily ever after,” Millora says.

Millora is the secretary general of Divorce Pilipinas Coalition, an advocacy group.

“Divorce is not about facilitating remarriage, but about giving people a chance to correct past mistakes and gain legal recognition for their children,” Millora emphasizes.

The divorce bill continues to face strong opposition. It narrowly passed the third reading in the lower house, with 126 votes in favour, 109 against and 20 abstentions.

Its lead author, Edcel Lagman, remains optimistic about its prospects in the Senate.

“I am optimistic that before the end of the legislature in 2025, we will join the community of nations to legalize divorce,” Lagman said.

Prominent senators have called for expanding costly annulment procedures. A broad coalition of anti-divorce groups argues that divorce harms families, while some activists suggest making legal separation more affordable in cases of abuse.

In June, more than 40 organizations joined together to create the Anti-Divorce Super Coalition, aimed at “working together to prevent the passage of anti-family and anti-life bills in Congress,” according to a Facebook post from the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines.

“Divorce breaks up families on a colossal scale,” said Tim Laws, an activist with the Alliance for the Family Foundation Philippines, Inc.

Even as support for legalization grows, caution is advised. Women speak quietly if their marriages are in trouble. “Many fear what their neighbors will say,” Millora says. Women, even survivors of domestic violence, are afraid to speak out for fear of being kicked out of church or penalized for supporting divorce.

Miljoy Malicdem, another advocate working with the Divorce Pilipinas Coalition, says, “I want to encourage people like me to come out and be strong.”

At the heart of this sisterhood is the determination of these women to help others achieve freedom. She says they understand the suffering of women in patriarchal systems and are willing to take one step at a time to dismantle them. Having experienced the pain of a failed marriage, they form networks of empathy with those struggling to walk the same path.