Opinion: What annoys me the most – Laguna Beach Local News

Kick the ball, Charlie Brown

By Mark D. Crantz

Football is upon us. And every year at this time of year, I think of Charlie Brown and the ball he can’t kick because Lucy takes it away from him. It’s so hopeless. It’s so unfair. Charlie Brown’s problem seems to be his alone. I’ve never seen anyone else in college or professional football suffer the same humiliation over and over again. It’s never-ending. Although I’ve heard that open mics at the end of city council meetings can feel the same way.

But I’m not writing about the city council’s speaking time. I’m interested in understanding why so many college football games start with a major league team playing a game against a team outside its conference. It seems unfair. The scores prove it most of the time. Final score: Big Guys 77-Little Guys 0. No comment from the little guys until they come out of their medically induced coma, per doctor’s orders.

I asked questions. Some sports fans say conference versus non-conference games are warm-ups so big teams are better prepared for the season. Others say easier non-conference games improve big schools’ chances of getting a bowl invitation at the end of the season. Which begs the question: Why would a small school accept getting crushed?

So I went to the hospital to ask the kids. They were still in a mass coma and there wasn’t much to do in the meantime. I tried the cafeteria and got food poisoning, but I was in the right place to make a full recovery. I found some half-deflated soccer balls in the hospital gift shop and bought them for the kids when they woke up. I signed the balls: “Get Well Soon, Goat.”

In the meantime, I turned to Google Search. I thought maybe I could figure out why the little guys did what they did. I know that history repeats itself, and this absolute might just give me an answer. I went back to Roman times and searched for a popular sporting event. Christians versus Lions. It didn’t seem like a fair contest. Final score: Lions alive. Christians dead. That didn’t help. The Christians weren’t coming back from the dead to tell me why they did it. I was back to square one, waiting for the little guys to come out of their collective coma.

I looked at the hospital’s green walls and wondered if the green hue was a color requirement imposed by a federal agency for patient reimbursement. Green is the color of money, and hospitals absorb a lot of it. I squinted, tilted my head, and saw the subliminal hologram of Alexander Hamilton in a repeating wallpaper pattern. This is good. A mystery solved.

Lucy was mean to take the ball from him. She should have known better, since she was a practicing psychiatrist. Lucy was being a bully. Most people forgive her meanness, since she charges a nickel for her advice. It’s very close to free advice, but it can count for something.

I can’t wait for the little guys to wake up. I have to submit this column. So when time is short, I turned to Google AI to find the answer to the question of why the little guys get beaten by the big guys. “Google AI says it’s human nature to embrace any challenge, no matter how big and unpleasant, to make life better and be better.

Oops. Sorry, dear readers. I’m as surprised as you are. This column was about the open mic for comments at City Hall. Keep saying what you have to say, residents. It’s important.

Crantz tells the Indy he wishes the Laguna Beach Breakers the best of luck this football season.