Dear Abby: My boyfriend said he would marry me only if I agreed to take care of his mother.

Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s mother has dementia. He offered to let me and my kids move in with him and said he would marry me. In exchange, he expected me to quit my job and take care of his mother. I felt like this was a disaster waiting to happen, and that caring for someone with dementia while raising two teenagers was a terrible idea, so I said no.

He put his mother in a nursing home and now he doesn’t treat me the same way. This woman is abusive. She hits and bites and is not easy to deal with. Living with her would have destroyed our relationship and would have been stressful for my children. My boyfriend is not the easiest guy to open up to. I am sad and don’t know what to do.

— Too much to handle

Dear Too Much:

When your boyfriend proposed marriage, it wasn’t because he loved you. He was looking for an easy (for him) solution to his mothering problem. He was nervous about expecting you to quit your job and sacrifice your retirement benefits. You are not trained to care for an abusive dementia patient. He is treating you differently because he is angry that you didn’t go along with his plans for you. What you should do now is move on, because his resentment is not likely to diminish.

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