Who is family and why is it important?

I am writing this at a particularly divisive political time in the United States. I have been struck by loud and painful disagreements about what a family is and who should be considered family (or not). It is easy to dismiss the petty communications and arguments about the American family as “mere politics.” But who is considered and “counts” as family is a fundamental question that we all face as citizens, community members, and family members ourselves.

Meaning of family

Let me ask you: what is family What does this mean to you? Take a minute to write down your own definition of family. If you compare your definition of family to other people’s, you’ll likely find similarities. However, you might also find that your definition of family may differ from others’. For example, would your definition of family include:

• A person who is not a relative by blood or by law
• Romantic partners who are cohabiting and not married
• Adopted child of LGBTQ parents
• Children who were once half-siblings after the remarried couple divorced
• A married couple without children
• A brother or sister who married outside the family’s religious faith
• A beloved family dog ​​or cat

You might be surprised to learn how others react to these different types of families. In fact, you might be surprised at how You Respond to these different types of family. What would be your reasoning for including or excluding a particular type of family? Defining who is and who is not a family is fundamental to your identity, your communication, and how you live your life.

It is not uncommon to hear calls for a return to “traditional” family values. Perhaps family scholar Stephanie Coontz said it best in her book: As we never existed. She pointed out that the idealized vision of the “American family” to which we should return never existed. It is not surprising that the same arguments are made in other countries and other cultures.

In reality, there are many ways to form a family. It is easy to consider family members to be those who are biologically related (blood, birth) or legally related (marriage, adoption). However, this would exclude many of the relationships listed above. Private and public debates about what constitutes a legitimate family can deprive some families of acceptance and support and can also put them at risk.

In addition to our own personal reasons for defining family, there are also practical and political issues to consider. For example, after the destruction of the World Trade Center in New York and other sites on September 11, 2001, who should have been considered family members of the deceased and who should have received financial assistance? Who should be considered family members and allowed to visit someone in a hospice or nursing home? Who should be invited to a family wedding? Who is entitled to receive a gift at a family celebration? How we interact with families, how we empathize with them, and how we treat them are important life choices.

Definition of family

I am one of the current authors of the original Family Communication Handbook. We use a broad and inclusive definition of family as “networks of people who share their lives over long periods of time, linked by ties of marriage, blood, law or commitment, legal or otherwise, who regard themselves as family and who share a significant history and anticipated future of functioning as a family“(Braithwaite et al., 2025).

This definition underscores our belief that families (in their various forms) share common characteristics and are often much more alike than different. Ultimately, we are guided by a simple principle: if people think of themselves as a family and function as a family, then they are a family. If everything is considered a family, then the concept would not have much meaning or utility. This is why we emphasize that families are both born out of commitment and exist over time. While families can be happy and supportive, we must remember that they can be struggling or estranged (Soliz & Warner Colaner 2020).

In the midst of life’s many challenges, finding and being welcomed as family is one of our most basic needs and a gift we can offer to others. We are also comforted by knowing that there is no one way to be a family. This knowledge helps us understand and appreciate families in all their breadth and richness as they grow and change throughout our lives. Rather than creating barriers, we all have the opportunity to benefit from, learn from, and support families among our neighbors, community members, and in our own homes and extended families.