Johnny Depp’s New York art show is a derivative and delusional ego bath

“Welcome to Johnny’s world,” said a greeter with an incredulous laugh.

His disbelief was understandable. He ran an art gallery in Chelsea where Johnny Depp’s works are currently on display.

No, no special screenings of “Finding Neverland” and “Donnie Brasco” – actual paintings by Edward Scissorhands himself.

I laughed too.

How could you not? The 61-year-old actor’s Bath of the Ego, uh, exhibition, which opened Friday on West 27th Street, has a comically broad title: “A Bunch of Stuff.”

Points for accuracy. Beyond the painted canvases, the large space is in fact cluttered with a ton of trinkets: empty coffee cans from Café Du Monde, typewriters, toy monkeys, a lamp in a wooden shoe and notes pretentious words written on the letterhead of the most luxurious hotels in the world.

I laughed at an ashtray that said “A dinner without wine is like a day without sunshine” because Depp reportedly spent $30,000 a month on wine alone.

You get the distinct — and awkward — feeling that the “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” star feels like he’s channeling brilliant minds like Dylan Thomas and JD Salinger, whose books are scattered around the room.

His copy of Walter Isaacson’s biography of Leonardo da Vinci was particularly delirious.

But most of what hangs on the walls is clearly derivative – from Basquiat to a Mexico City fair – and provokes no response stronger than a “yes.”

“Some may call it art, some may not,” reads a message from Depp on the wall. “I call it mine.”

And you know what, that’s more than enough for the Hollywood star’s rabid fans, who made up the bulk of the crowd Friday afternoon.

Two devoted Depp tourists excitedly sprinted toward Captain Jack Sparrow’s voodoo doll prop from the 2011 film “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” which has a score of 33 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

I’m pretty sure another man and woman are loudly shouting “FK!” » at 3 p.m., we were not connoisseurs of watercolor portraits.

All the Johnnyphiles have surely left messages for the actor on the giant paper guestbook wall. The one left by someone who needs a hobby said, “I need you to hold me.” »

The first Depp piece I spotted was a white rectangle with the Hunter S. Thompson quote “Buy the ticket, shop around.”

Many of the actor’s works are simply framed phrases, like motivational posters aimed at drug addicts.

Some have been said by others, but many are philosophical gibberish straight from “The Tourist” star, like “Close your eyes and look at everything you can’t see.”

But Thompson’s line was the perfect way to start, because I had just spent a mind-blowing $48 on my ticket to “A Bunch of Stuff.”

The next few paintings were self-portraits. Shocking, I know.

There’s Depp in a beret and sunglasses from the 2010s and a chiseled-jawed Depp from his “Sleepy Hollow” days. It also represents his children and a Marlon Brando at the end of his life.

In the next cylindrical room begins a series of hairless faces that resemble John Malkovich or Tilda Swinton, depending on your mood.

Next comes his “Death By Confetti” paintings, rather on the nose, with skeletons drowned in colored dots. The obvious message is that the heights of fame can suddenly turn against someone and ultimately destroy them. The last eight years of Ka Depp.

Still, it’s pretty rich, because star power is the only reason this masturbatory display exists.

Our ego trip ends in a black box, in which Depp narrates an animated film of his paintings with a glimpse into his life in a fake Bruce Springsteen campfire voice.

“My whole family thought I was crazy,” he said, to no one’s surprise.

On the way out, I asked another attendant if Depp’s collection was for sale.

“It does and it doesn’t,” he replied.

I took that to mean that if you have to ask, you can’t afford it.

But fear not. In the gift shop, anyone can purchase a plush lookalike of Depp’s dog Mr. Mooh, who died in 2009, for $40.

It’s the perfect gift for the person who just wants a bunch of stuff.