The Luv Doc: STFU: An exceptionally difficult message to convey – Chronicles

Dear Luv Doc,

A work friend and I regularly go out for lunch. We usually take my car because it’s nicer and I like driving. Last Friday we were driving around listening to Spotify – well, I was trying to listen to Spotify but she was gossiping about a guy she was dating – and a song I really like (“Not Fair” by Lily Allen) came on, so I said something like, “Oh, I really like this song,” and I turned up the volume but she kept talking even louder as if I hadn’t said anything, so I pulled over to the side of the road and said, “I really want to hear what you’re saying, but can we listen to this song first?” It’s one of my favorites.» She stopped talking and let me listen, but she stayed very quiet the rest of the way, and when we got to the restaurant she asked if we could send him away because she remembered that she had “work to do.”.“This week she’s barely spoken to me and is clearly upset. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I wasn’t rude to her, I was just trying to listen to the song. And should I even apologize to her if she’s going to be so sensitive?

– Ready to listen

I don’t understand how your friend doesn’t understand that the only proper way to listen to Lily Allen is with a hushed bow. After that ? Will she answer a robocall from CapitalOne® in the middle of the farm scene? Inglourious Basterds? Will she do the old Six Flags dance during the consecration of the Eucharist? Is she going to fart loudly during the national anthem? Well, OK, as far as the NFL and Jerry Jones are concerned, it’s better than taking a knee, but damn, isn’t there anything sacred?!?!

Maybe she thought you were using Lily Allen’s “Not Fair” to imply that the guy she slept with is really nice but a terrible lover? How can you know that? I can’t imagine this is someone you’ve ever slept with – like a colleague – because this conversation is the kind of conversation where you stop and turn down Spotify. “Hey, I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but…” This is just basic office etiquette. It’s probably in the employee handbook.

And then, of course, there’s the small possibility that she’s mad because you told her to shut up mid-sentence in her soliloquy so you could lean into a song about a really nice guy who is an ungenerous lover. Look, I understand: your car, your rules. If you’re riding with me and “Hey Ya” starts playing, you better at least correct yourself by clapping three times and shaking the Polaroid photo, otherwise I’ll stop the Ram Van and let you out. I cannot tolerate a co-pilot who does not support my bold vision of an uninhibited America.

But, by and large, in almost all of the known universe, no one likes to be told to shut up. – definitely not in the middle of a sentence. If you’re going to go there – justified or unjustified – you’re just begging for applause. STFU is an exceptionally difficult message to convey without bringing a serious teacher’s aide vibe. “Look, everybody! The narc wants us to shut up!” Shussshing is almost single-handedly responsible for the decline of folk music. Folkies have become too precious about lyrics. Nothing like a tie-dyed blue-haired whistle: “Hush everybody! Bob’s gonna sing us an incredibly repetitive 16-minute blues song about disappointment” to deepen your appreciation for Sam Cooke. Say what you will about his personal life, the man knew how to end a song.

Anyway, my point is that maybe in your excitement to share one of your favorite songs with your friend, you failed to recognize that the sweetest song to most people is the sound of their own voice. Sometimes you have to let that melody die down before you go in for the kill. It’s just basic etiquette. It’s probably in the employee handbook, so for the sake of your friendship and probably the sanity of your coworkers, go apologize, but stand firm on your respect for Lily Allen’s work. You’re absolutely right about that.

I cannot tolerate a co-pilot who does not support my bold vision of an uninhibited America.