Shell shocked: the alligator revolt | News, Sports, Jobs – SANIBEL-CAPTIVA

PHOTO COURTESY OF Art Stevens

Sanibel Island is a true paradise: miles of pristine beaches, crystal clear waters, and a diverse and fascinating array of wildlife. But recently, the alligator community has begun to consider packing up and leaving. Yes, you heard that right: Sanibel’s alligators are considering moving. Why would these ancient reptiles consider abandoning their sunny haven? Here are some of the reasons why.

First, there are the tourists. Imagine yourself as an alligator, basking in the sun, when a family of four decides to get a little too close. Click, click, click: cameras everywhere, and not a single paparazzi in sight. These poor alligators are tired of having their private lives turned into a public spectacle. “I can’t even enjoy a quiet afternoon without someone trying to take a selfie with me.” growled a particularly angry alligator. “It’s like living in a zoo, but without the benefits of regular meals.”

Then there’s the fashion issue. Alligators are known for their sleek, timeless look, but Sanibel residents have taken the fashion trend to the next level. Alligator handbags, shoes, belts—you name it, they’ve seen it. It’s like living in a perpetual fashion show, and frankly, it’s exhausting. “Every time I see someone sporting a pair of alligator boots, I feel my soul dry up a little.” confessed a fashionable alligator. “I mean, who wore it better? Clearly, it was me!”

Sanibel’s real estate market has also become a hot topic. With real estate prices skyrocketing, even alligators are feeling the pinch. Gone are the days when they could simply build themselves a cozy den by the water. Today, it’s all about prime waterfront properties, and competition is fierce. “I had chosen a nice little spot” lamented a displaced alligator, “But then a family of otters moved in and turned it into a timeshare. What’s an alligator to do to get some peace and quiet here?”

And let’s not forget food. Sanibel’s once abundant fish stocks have dwindled due to overfishing and an influx of new predators. The alligators are tired of fighting over their meals. “In the old days, you could catch a fish with just one phone call.” said a frustrated alligator. “Now I really have to make an effort. It’s a nightmare!”

There’s also the issue of climate change. Rising sea levels and climate change have thrown the alligator community into disarray. What used to be predictable wet and dry seasons have turned into an unpredictable roller coaster. “I don’t know whether I should dig a deeper hole or invest in floats,” joked an alligator with a gift for dark humor. “One day it’s stifling hot, the next day it’s a monsoon. Mother Nature has to make up her mind!”

But perhaps the most compelling reason is the allure of urban living. Alligators have heard about the perks of city living: Central Park, Florida’s swanky retirement communities, even the occasional stroll on a Miami beach. “I heard they have things called food trucks.” said an alligator with a sparkle in his eye. “Imagine, home-delivered meals just come to you. It’s like a dream!”

Ultimately, Sanibel’s gators face the same dilemma we all do: the quest for a better life. Whether it’s tourists, fashion faux pas, the competitive housing market, dwindling food supplies, the effects of climate change or the siren call of city lights, these gators are seriously considering moving.

So if you visit Sanibel Island and find the waters strangely devoid of alligators, don’t be too surprised. They might be lounging by the pool at a Miami resort, sipping Gatorade and reminiscing about the good old days. Or maybe they’ve taken up residence in Central Park, enjoying the anonymity that only New York City can provide. One thing’s for sure: Wherever they go, they’ll be missed.

Art Stevens is a longtime columnist for the Sanibel-Captiva Islander. His dry humor is always accompanied by a smile.