Ask Eric: My boss keeps talking about age

I’m very afraid of losing my job because I’m too “old.” Ageism is rife in the tech industry, where youth is highly valued. And it’s not just my boss. Is there a gentle way to remind people that age is not a topic that should be discussed in the workplace unless it’s specifically related to succession or retirement planning? Should I just let it go?

Age: You don’t have to give up! What you’re experiencing is not fair and may cross legal lines. I reached out to Hannah Marks, HR expert and people and talent advisor at Culture Marks, for some advice.

“As a first step, it is essential that employees who experience ageism in the workplace keep a record of all instances. Second, it is always a good idea to report the situation to your HR team. If the company is too small and does not yet have an HR team (this is often the case in the tech sector), it is also a good idea to report the situation to a manager or senior executive. In more serious cases, or where HR or senior management have failed to handle the situation appropriately, employees have the right to seek legal advice.”

You have resources, even if your workplace culture suggests otherwise. The Age Discrimination in Employment Act expressly prohibits age discrimination against individuals aged 40 or older.

If you’d like to learn more about the law and how to report it, I encourage you to visit the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission’s website. They have an entire section dedicated to age discrimination and how to combat it.

Finally, any boss who would rather leave his older employees out to pasture than benefit from their experience is in for a rude awakening in a few years.

Dear Eric: I have a cousin who recently told me that he was “in love” with a woman who lives in a foreign country and that he was planning to marry her. He would have to fly back to her country and get married, leaving behind his son, grandson and mother, who lives in a nursing home.

He has never met this woman and I fear that this whole story is a scam. I found out that the country is a country where foreigners cannot have property in their name, so anything he would buy would be in his name only. What should I tell him? I don’t want to crush him.

Cousin: You’re right to be concerned. Romance scams are quite common. They often start online, with scammers quickly declaring their love, suddenly needing money, and then disappearing. It’s a huge red flag that your cousin’s relationship is forcing him to leave the country and get married. I know you don’t want to break him, but he could be in real danger and a broken heart is the best option.

First, be upfront about your concerns and your reasons. Use the FBI’s section on romance scams to explain to your cousin the similarities in his life. Ask him for pictures of his fiancée and do a reverse image search using Google or another search engine to see if they are stock photos or if they are associated with someone else. Ask him to tell you about his plans for his family, for his mother’s care, and his plans after the wedding. Be inquisitive but kind.

Loneliness is a major issue for many adults, especially as we get older. Assure him that he’s not wrong for wanting companionship. Tell him that just because it’s a scam doesn’t mean he’s not worthy of love in real life. Remind him that he’s not alone. According to the Federal Trade Commission, more than 64,000 romance scams were reported in 2023, netting $1.14 billion. That doesn’t take into account the personal upheaval that can result.

Ask your cousin to slow down for his own safety and that of his family. If he insists and you still have concerns, you can also report the suspected fraud to the FTC or the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center.

(Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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