Lake Saint Louis Dad Creates Clothing Line Inspired by Transgender Daughter

The co-owner of the St. Louis Wine Market in Chesterfield had been working in hospitality for 25 years when he got into fashion design.

“I didn’t know how to sew on a button,” said Bender, of Lake Saint Louis.

Today, he runs a five-piece children’s clothing line, inspired by the lack of stretchy pants options for his youngest daughter, who is transgender. Lion+Owl officially launched last month, one of a small but growing number of online retailers specializing in “gender-neutral” clothing.

The apparel industry, long dominated by ready-made trends, has expanded its reach in recent years: adaptive features, such as one-handed zippers and magnetic buttons, make it easier for people with limited mobility to get dressed. Labels and seams are being redesigned to reduce sensory discomfort. Smart textiles can be used to monitor a person’s vital signs.

“What’s happening is exciting,” said Emily Lane of Stars Design Group, a Soulard clothing manufacturing company that has worked with Bender. “There are so many possibilities.”

For transgender and nonbinary youth, what they wear—the colors, the cut—can determine whether the world sees them as they see themselves. But in recent years, their clothing choices have become particularly sensitive. Clothing, like library books, classroom and bathroom decor, has been the subject of heated political exchanges over LGBTQ+ representation.

A few major retailers, like Old Navy and H&M, now offer gender-neutral wardrobe staples, but this category can be risky, even for established brands. Physical stores are typically set up to physically separate items for men and women. Sizing standards are different.

In-store displays have become hotspots. Target has scaled back its Pride Month offerings this year after threats and vandalism at some locations in June 2023.

Maplewood’s Complete Harmony yoga studio hosted a clothing swap for transgender and queer youth in March. Owner Melissa Dierker had heard from her young clients’ parents that they needed help completing their wardrobes, an expensive and overwhelming task after a gender transition.

An Instagram post about the event drew hateful comments. Dierker, who has a transgender daughter, did not announce the date or time and asked families to register in advance so they could be screened in advance.

The vigilance was worth it. About 70 children left the Complete Harmony exchange program with new shirts, skirts, makeup and shoes for themselves.

According to Dierker, good dress creates confidence and a sense of belonging.

“You can hide some features,” she explained. “You can add others.”

Bender isn’t the first father to create a clothing line inspired by his daughter. Toronto-based Jamie Alexander launched Rubies in 2019. His transgender daughter wanted to wear a swimsuit without feeling self-conscious.

“There were products for adults but very few for children,” says Alexander, whose daughter was 11 at the time.

It took a dozen iterations to arrive at a swim bottom design that camouflages without being restrictive.

Sales have increased “substantially” each year, Alexander said. Rubies swimwear and shapewear are sold to customers in more than 40 countries, but its largest market is the United States.

“There’s all kinds of room for different products and brands,” Alexander said.

It’s an emerging market: Though they represent a tiny fraction of the population, Americans who identify as transgender or nonbinary have grown from 1.4 million in 2018 to 1.6 million by 2022, according to an analysis by the Williams Institute, a public policy research group at UCLA. The biggest increase has been among people under 25.

Bender’s 10-year-old daughter, who will be in fifth grade in the fall, “has always been like that,” her father said.

In kindergarten, she grew her hair long. In second grade, she switched to she/her pronouns. Her teachers and classmates supported her, as did her extended family.

But one thing was bothering her father. His daughter wanted to wear leggings, like her friends, but Bender and his wife couldn’t find a style that fit them.

A few years ago, Bender was discussing this dilemma in a wine store. A sales representative, whose daughter worked in fashion, overheard the conversation. Contacts were made. A few weeks later, Bender arranged his first meeting.

He and the team at Stars Design Group set goals. The leggings would be made without a center seam. They had to be stretchy but durable, so they could withstand the wear and tear of elementary school clothes. The fabric couldn’t be too heavy or too thin. And itchy labels were a no-go.

“The idea is to make clothes for all children,” Bender said, with a target age range of 5 to 12.

Designer Claire Thomas-Morgan used “visual tricks,” like color blocking and side-leg panels. The team opted for three main hues: pink, blue and navy. And Bender regularly checked in with his two daughters and their friends.

“What would be your perfect outfit?” he asked them.

The team developed the models, a process that took months, using hundreds of measurement points. They selected the fabric from tens of thousands of samples.

Once the $54 leggings went on sale, Bender decided to add sweatpants, hoodies and T-shirts, priced from $29 to $69. Each piece would include a hidden reminder to “be brave,” sewn into the inside of the waistband or collar.

The company was then officially called Lion+Owl, after the nicknames of the two Bender girls. Last December, Lion+Owl joined Kickstarter to raise funds for the initial order.

“This is the start of something big,” reads the crowdfunding site’s introduction. “A new clothing line that gives kids the freedom to express themselves regardless of gender.”

Dozens of backers helped Lion+Owl surpass its $15,000 goal by more than $1,000.

This month, the first shipment arrived: 7,500 pieces had to be sorted, packaged and shipped from the Benders’ basement, each accompanied by a handwritten note.

Bender plans to eventually add sizing options and expand the Lion+Owl selection to include beanies, shorts and underwear.

So far, all the feedback he’s received has been positive. But he’s realistic enough to know there will be criticism.

He has his answer ready.

“We just make clothes,” Bender said. “Clothes that empower kids to be brave, confident and successful.”