2024 Olympics Opening Ceremony Highlights, Significance

Photo illustration: Vulture; Photos: Getty Images

Are you happy to be in Paris? Yes! The 2024 Olympics have arrived in the French capital, and everyone is asking the same questions: “Will anyone be able to beat Simone Biles?” Probably not. “Will Sha’Carri Richardson be fabulous?” Definitely. “Will swimmers forced into the Seine die of dysentery?” Um… keep watching. Below, catch up on our constantly updated highs, lows, and highlights from the entirety of the Paris 2024 Olympics, from the Lady Gaga-starring Opening Ceremony to the final podium.

TOP — “The Individual”
TikTok has always warned me not to venture into the Paris Catacombs without a guide, but the start of the opening ceremony sent precocious children running there unsupervised. Strange things The kids eventually come across a Phantom of the Opera-like figure beneath the streets of Paris, who rows them (and then turns on the boat’s motor to go faster) to the end of the Seine to help them get the torch to the larger torch they have to light to start the games. Eventually, though, the ghost (who the commentators kept calling “the guy”) abandons the kids to do parkour with the torch all over Paris. So don’t go if you have a torch you need to hold on to! — Anne Victoria Clark

A BOTTOM THAT BECAME A TOP IN THE CONTEXT OF A LARGER DANCE PIECE — The totally unrehearsed cancan.
What initially seemed like a very wobbly version of the cancan suddenly took on new meaning when the show segued into a citywide interpretive dance celebrating the rebuilding of Notre Dame Cathedral. It seems that the cheesy costumes and awkward choreography were intentionally designed to poke fun at the audience’s expectations of French culture, because there’s nothing more French than a vicious mockery. —AVC

HIGH — The other “no rehearsal” performance
Don’t say the words “Paris, France” to Lady Gaga and expect her to salute the very idea of ​​being French. The pop star sang alongside a group of twinks wearing big pink poufs, because that’s just how she acts. Remember, this is a woman whose film is coming out later this year with the subtitle Madness for TwoCommentators noted that she had little rehearsal time, but remember, she is a child of the theater: the more difficult the situation, the harder she tries. Yes, Gaga! — Jason P. Frank

WHOA — All those boats.
Instead of parading the athletes through a stadium for the Parade of Nations, the athletes crammed into boats of various sizes and sailed down the Seine River in the pouring rain. If it hadn’t been raining, it might have been a fun time, but this bold choice ended up making it all the more difficult to see the athletes’ outfits! Still, it was a fun change of pace, and some of the boats were really pretty. —AVC

TOP — Severed heads and trails of blood, of course.
What better way to remind the world that your country started the trend of beheading its own monarchs than with a heavy metal rendition of the revolutionary anthem “Ah! Ça Ira,” performed by metal band Gojira and opera singer Marina Viotti? Did we mention they performed in front of a group of decapitated women holding their own severed heads? Did we mention there was an explosion of red banners, clearly symbolizing blood, that flew at the end? Oh, and also, this entire performance was performed outside the Conciergerie, a castle and former prison where Marie Antoinette was held before her execution. History is so metal! —AVC

BAS — Weather forecast.
Paris predictably brought the drama, in this case by pouring torrential rain during the ceremony that left everyone extremely wet. It’s really hard to overstate how wet everyone was, and NBC’s cameras simply weren’t prepared for the humidity. Many, many shots were obscured by large raindrops that covered the camera lenses. And as if the sky wasn’t making the ceremonies wet enough, the Seine itself was spraying water into the air at various points via fountains, adding to the sense that we were trying to observe the athletes through a maelstrom. —AVC

WHOA — Don’t tell anyone, but there’s a threesome in the library.
The French are renowned for being the most excited people in the entire world, and it was clearly important to them that, facing the American sporting trio The challengersThey go on to show off their own MMF sports trio. They more than pull it off, slipping a steamy threesome moment into the opening ceremony. —JPF

HIGH — You think you know all the words to the French national anthem.
One thing to know about France is that when it comes to national anthems, it has one of the best. “La Marseillaise” is a catchy, rousing song about spilling the blood of your enemies on a battlefield and stringing together “invented kings.” The opening ceremony featured a lyrical rendition of the song by Axelle Saint-Cirel from the top of the Grand Palais on the Champs-Élysées, dressed as Marianne herself. It almost made me want to take up arms, and I hate arms! —AVC

TOP — A walking work of art.
Pop icon Aya Nakamura, dressed like a work of art, performed a mash-up with the Republican Guard on the Pont des Arts. It was the one and only time the performance earned genuine enthusiasm: Ooh la la! —AVC

BAS — Sisterhood, dear.
France has decided to make up for the lack of statues of famous French women by erecting a few statues of famous French women on the Seine, as the hosts explained, these statues will apparently be “gifted” to the city. It is unclear whether the city will accept this offer! Anyway, that was it! That was the whole segment! Okay??? — AVC

TOP — Very chic!
A fashion show? More like haute couture! The world’s most chic city showed off its fashion talents with a show that included Drag racing in France host Nicky Doll. I adore Nicky Doll! —JPF

LOW — Why is France hiding its rap from us?
Anyone who saw Carrie Bradshaw go to Paris knows that French rap is truly king. But this cultural milestone was only given one moment during the opening ceremony, when rapper Rim’K, whose identity wasn’t even revealed to the audience, gave a short solo performance. It could have been so much more! —AVC

TOP — The majestic gray horse.
Clip, clip, clomp, clomp, the pretty gray horse was walking leading the flags of the world down the street with his big beautiful eyes! I want to kiss him on the FACE! —AVC

HIGH — Celine Dion sings at the top of her lungs.
No, I was definitely not chopping onions. My eyes are watering because of Celine Dion, “all-time icon,” who closed the ceremony under the Eiffel Tower. Celine Dion battles stiff-person syndrome, which prevents her from doing what she loves most in the world: singing. Watching one of the greatest voices of all time sing through her illness was the absolute highlight of the ceremony, and perhaps one of the highlights of the Olympics ever? Sorry, it’s hard not to be dramatic when you’re being influenced by a great lady. —JPF