Dear Abby: Elderly Father Stays Behind the Wheel Despite Challenges

DEAR ABBY: I am struggling to maintain my relationship with my father, who is in his 80s. He recently became very ill and nearly died. He was unable to walk for several months, and when he finally was able to get around, it was with a wheelchair and a walker. Dad began driving his truck, even though my brother and I strongly suggested that it was not safe for him. He was unable to even get into the truck without assistance.

A little history: Our mother was killed in a car accident when I was 14 and my brother was 18. She was hit by an elderly man who the family agreed should not have been driving.

So here is the conflict: we have begged Dad not to drive and endanger the lives of all road users, including his own. Our mother-in-law refuses to take the keys away from him and even encourages him to drive despite the fact that we have asked him several times to stop. He says he will not have an accident and that it is safe.

This is so hurtful. He continues to be selfish and completely ignores the fact that our mother died because of someone like him. What should I do? I know Dad doesn’t have much time left, but I’m struggling to maintain our relationship. — FED UP GIRL IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your father’s desire for independence may be stronger than his reason. If he needs help getting into his truck, who will be there to help him get out of the vehicle? Does his DOCTOR think he can drive safely? Consider asking his doctor this question in writing.

You and your brother might also consider informing the police in your community that because of his disability, you are concerned that your father is a danger on the road. Since he refuses to listen to you, that is all you and your brother can do.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.