6 cheat codes that give men an unfair advantage in relationships

Today, I am a man in my thirties, committed and relatively well integrated. But I wasn’t always so lucky, and it was a long (sometimes miserable) road to get where I am today.

For starters, my high school dating life was non-existent. I’ve never had a date for a single ceremony, including all of my homecomings and two proms. And it’s not for lack of trying. I was simply rejected, shot down or in other words, without any uncertain circumstances, no. I mean, I was chubby and awkward and emotionally intense – I didn’t have a crush, no, no, I was in love.

Things got a little better when I went to university: women started paying attention to me! But my love and intimacy skills in my late teens and early 20s were terrible. Sometimes I want to go back in time and shake my old self: pull yourself together. You have to know how to talk and flirt with women.

Here are 6 cheat codes that give men an unfair advantage in relationships:

1. When it comes to intimacy, it’s best to slow down

For me, intimacy got a lot better when I started to slow down and appreciate the present moment. The sights, sounds and smells (yes, smells) all contribute to a unique and unforgettable experience.

2. Love shouldn’t (and doesn’t) feel like you’re settling

In a few of my first relationships, I made several emotional compromises because I simply had very little experience. I learned much later that there is no room in a relationship for thoughts like “This is as good as it gets” or questions like “Everyone’s relationship is similar to this one.” -this, isn’t it?

3. The word love should be used with great caution

I shouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I remember saying it simply because we were both desperate to feel something other than loneliness. We were both lying to each other and, worse, we had ridiculous expectations for something that we both knew would never work.

Cheat Codes That Give Men an Unfair Advantage in Relationships Vera Arsic / Pexels

4. Take the pressure off

Dating in your early 20s was very stressful. I was putting all kinds of pressure and immediacy on something that should have been fun and casual and slow. Instead, I constantly turned to emotional barriers. I withdrew – a lot. Many somewhat curious girls were immediately put off, and rightly so, by my unfortunate intensity.

In one of my favorite films, High fidelityJohn Cusack’s character says, “Only people of a certain disposition are afraid of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26, and we were of that nature.” » I think about it a lot.

5. Stop obsessive texting

Does anyone remember the scene Swingers where Jon Favreau got this girl’s number and continued to leave her increasingly personal, erroneous, and creepy voicemails until she finally picked up and told him to never call her again? I’m pretty sure this scene was based on my early days of texting; I’ve had women text me saying, “Don’t ever text me again.” »

Cheat Codes That Give Men an Unfair Advantage in Relationships Mikhail Nilov / Pexels

6. Don’t stay with someone out of fear

I should never have stayed in my first relationships out of a misguided fear of being alone. According to an “Ideal to Real” body image survey, 1 in 3 adults say they are afraid of being alone. This makes everyone, including your friends, family, and both partners involved, absolutely miserable. And I sacrificed my happiness for what, safety? It wasn’t worth it, and ending things was always better than I feared.

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