Bill Zuck: Meet Buddy, President of the Barky Barky Club

Our old dog Lucy loved quiet. She loved to nap in her crate or lie in the sun in the garden. She would sigh in annoyance whenever the children talked too loudly. And she almost never barked.

Our new dog Buddy loves to bark. He barks at trucks, people, dogs, birds, squirrels, and unexplained noises from the next room, like the sound of the spoon in my bowl when I eat ice cream. He barks when he hears the footsteps of a delivery man, when a car door slams or when a truck passes. He barks when the front door opens or closes or when he thinks the front door is going to open or close soon.

I try to remind myself that barking is normal dog behavior, like sniffing the rear end or trailing a line of spit on the floor after taking a drink from the water bowl. I try not to scold Buddy for barking. It’s how he communicates. It’s how he defends his territory, alerts his companions to danger, and expresses anxiety when something is wrong.

Still, I can’t help but sometimes ask my helpless dog, “What exactly are you barking at?”

He barks at the front door as it opens before realizing that it’s just the kids coming home from school. He barks at the sound of the car door closing before he sees that it’s my wife coming home from work. He barks at our next door neighbor walking in his yard and at the bird perched on a tree and at a light breeze blowing up the curtains, even though none of these things pose a threat. My friend, I ask him sometimes, can’t you see that there’s no danger here? Nothing to fear ?

It’s frustrating that I can’t explain to him how useless most of his barking is. Especially when they happen at 11 p.m., 5 a.m., or somewhere in between. ” Stopped ! ” I said. ” It’s not worth it ! »

I think he must also feel frustrated that he can’t tell us what’s worrying him. Imagine if he could explain the reasons why he barks. And imagine if those reasons were better than I had assumed. I probably wouldn’t be as bothered by his barking.

Imagine if Buddy had a good reason to make such a ridiculous noise. That innocent-looking squirrel? Maybe he dug a hole under our shed, and Buddy wants to warn us. That bird in the tree in front of the house? Maybe he poked holes in the siding. Our friendly neighbor? Maybe he spent a little too much time at the casino and wasn’t honest about the money he lost, and Buddy is the only one who noticed and actually wanted to help us. As for those billowing curtains, maybe Buddy spotted a hole in one of them and is trying to let us know there’s a big sale on home decor this weekend.

If these were the explanations for why my dog barked so much, then maybe I would be okay with that.

As for barking at my wife’s car door when she gets home, I’d bet there’s no complicated underlying reason. Yay, he’s probably saying: my favorite person is home! I guess some of his barks are easier to decipher than others.

BILL ZUCK might start following his neighbor to the casino. You can reach him at [email protected].