Watching a soap opera with JACI STEPHEN: Caught in the act

THE EASTERN ENDERS

What was the moment that sealed the deal between Junior and Cindy? It must have been the moment when Ian excitedly told Cindy that he had synchronized their calendars so that they would always know where the other was. You could see the horror of these constraints on Cindy’s face.

And so it goes, but already Cindy is not happy when Junior is distracted by work. Deciding to pique his jealousy, she agrees to have a drink with Harry. My goodness! Give that woman some bromide.

But all’s well that ends well, and Junior and Cindy are sleeping together at number 45. Talk about staying close to home. Why not go to Junior’s fancy apartment where he lives alone? Or does Ian keep those calendars syncing (he really needs to get out more often)?

Number 45 is the scene of action all week, but will the duo be stopped when Bobby gets suspicious? That’s right. Bobby. I don’t believe it either.

Having been put in charge of the Beale Eels (Cindy is really trying to keep him busy) and having made a mess (and certainly not a mess), are we really supposed to believe he has the common sense to question Cindy coming home with a migraine?

As Cindy and Junior head upstairs, Bobby comes back in. Honestly, they could be chatting on the couch across from him and he’d still be talking about cushion covers.

He can’t even see that Anna has a crush on Freddie, so much so that the man gets blisters.

A lesbian love triangle emerges when Nish seeks Avani’s help in tracking down Ayesha, the widow of Hardeep, Nish’s murder victim, and the woman who was actually having an affair with Suki when Nish suspected the husband.

And what does Nish do when he plants a seed in Eve’s head about their close bond? And how long will the show prolong his supposed path to death? I think it’ll be until 2034 at this rate.

Linda drinks again and makes a shocking discovery at the Vic. What? They’re out of alcohol?

CORONATION STREET

Look who’s back! Nearly three years after leaving for Romania, a pregnant Alina finds herself in the Freshco car park and bumps into Fiz. She tells him she’s been called as a witness at the trial, but will Fiz tell Tyrone that his ex is back?

Don’t expect to see tripe soup, a Romanian specialty, on your table anytime soon. As for the way to serve tripe that this story first introduced us to, expect to have twice as much.

When Cassie sees Alina’s name on an airport booking, she takes Steve’s taxi, picks her up and drives her to Coronation Street to see Tyrone.

Furious at being duped, Alina (right) may have to explain herself. Hopefully she’s taken an English course on Duolingo since she left.

Did you know that the Nephila Komaci is the world’s largest web-spinning spider? Or at least it was until Rowan got caught in her absurd spider web. Growing trapped, Leanne shows no kindness to Toyah before another doctor’s appointment.

She’s flattered when Rowan tells her she’s been chosen to run the new resource center and that he’s set up a meeting with a potential investor. Whether it’s at the Chariot Square Hotel. Honestly, I love that place. I wonder if they do loyalty points?

Will Alina be able to keep her head down?

Can we expect a different Alina to the one who left Corrie? “The last time Alina was in Weatherfield, she was heartbroken,” says Ruxandra Porojnicu (Alina).

“If she hadn’t been called as a witness in a trial, I don’t think she would have ever come back. She just wants to keep her head down, do what she has to do and go back. But she’s grown up a lot since then and life is very different now.”

EMMERDALE

Who is the new Sugden ruffling feathers?

Soapland has a habit of bringing in new family members, who usually appear at funerals and overshadow the corpse.

In Emmerdale, it’s still a Dingle, but now there’s a new Sugden: John. When Eric’s car breaks down, Victoria drives him to a funeral and is stunned to discover that grieving son John could be her half-brother, i.e. Jack’s son (follow him!).

And then, wouldn’t you know it, John’s car breaks down and he ends up in the village. Is there a car suitable for this purpose? They are used for kidnappings, they have accidents and now, two breakdowns in one day.

Will there ever be a week when someone walks into a Ford dealership, buys a vehicle, and drives it without incident? Inevitably, John’s presence ruffles a few feathers—well, a chicken coop, really—as newcomers tend to do.

The fun begins when Gail suggests to Mandy that the solution to her money problems might be to become a (sexless) financial dominatrix.

Despite Tracy’s disapproval (when does that killjoy approve of anything?), Mandy creates her online profile under the name Madame Diamante Dales. The costume department is in for a treat…